It’s been said that we should only live to please God and when we serve the needs of other people we are foolish. I thought I was pretty good at this, until I began to receive some small accolades for what I can do.
Slowly my blog traffic has increased and people around me comment on how the words are touching them. It flatters me, and I do what I can to remain humble. But I’ve noticed a pattern.
In the days and weeks following a good week of blog traffic, I freeze, unsure of what I should write and if it will connect with my audience. In some ways the success feels like a noose around my neck, even though having people read and be encouraged with what I write is one of my goals.
So it’s hard.
I know that performing for the reader isn’t the answer, because it’s short lived. But I’m still figuring out how I hold in tension the diverse opinions that come way, yet not be swayed by those same opinions.
There are some days when I feel super sure that God remains my focus and it is only him I serve and write for. But I mostly say those kinds of comments when I’m not being ‘successful’ and the feedback is lacking and my readership is low.
But when I am going well, and traffic is on the rise, I find it super difficult to ignore the applause of the crowd and just write what I feel I’m meant too.
Even now I’m not sure how to deal with it.
The encouragement I’ve received from you guys has meant the world to me. It’s helped me keep going when I’ve wanted to quit. I feel like I’m just hitting another level that I’m learning to be comfortable with. It feels like growing pains.
I don’t know how to harness this new success, but also stay true to my calling and not allow the crowd to influence the future words that I pen.
It’s hard, and I don’t know how to deal with it.