People are complex. We all have our own quirks that make us weird. Like making sure the washing on the line doesn’t touch each other. Or mixing white and brown sugar in the same jar. Or only filling up petrol after the light comes on.
Whatever it is, these quirks threaten to derail our relationships and the uniqueness that identifies us.
This is especially true when you begin to get to know someone. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new work colleague, spouse, partner, doctor or business coach, you’ll almost always go through a period of (mis)understanding, and what I call, ‘quirkiness discovery’.
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Early in my marriage I can remember having disagreements with wifey as we uncovered each others quirks and discovered the unique things that made us smile—and the things that made us crabby.
In our pre marriage counselling the guy said that sometimes late at night you’ll have these weird arguments that can escalate quickly, mostly because you’re very tired. He said if that happens let it go and return to it in the morning. Sage advice I thought, but did he not know how hard it is to immediately calm down when in the midst of an argument? And to simply roll over and go to sleep? Yeah right.
I thought it was a little pie in the sky, and didn’t really understand what he meant.
Until it happened to me in real life, in a real situation with a real wife.
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We’d disagreed about something. I’m sure it was something pretty minor. Maybe wifey had finally had enough of my laundry hanging quirk. But by 10:30pm, it had escalated and was a behemoth! It got so bad we didn’t even know what we were fighting about in the first place.
I don’t know why, but I called bad light on the day, gave a quick peck on the cheek, said goodnight to wifey and rolled over. I’d had enough. We were both tired and I finally discovered what the counsellor was talking about, all those years earlier.
You see, ‘bad light‘ is a cricket term, used when the light is so bad, that play can no longer continue. They simply stop the game, walk off the ground and come back tomorrow. And that’s it.
From then on, when we are getting no where, and it’s late we call bad light.
And it works.
Sometimes in a relationship you’ve just gotta call bad light, let it sit and return to it tomorrow.
And generally when you do, the thing that kept you apart the night before isn’t worth talking about in the morning. It’s hardly an issue.
Try it sometime.